The Art of Letting Go: Surrender vs. Passive Inaction
Surrender is a word that often stirs up confusion. To some, it may sound like defeat or weakness. But true surrender is far from passive—it’s an empowered act of releasing control where control no longer serves us, while still showing up for our lives with intention.
So what’s the difference between surrender and just giving up?
Surrender Is Active, Not Passive
Surrender is not throwing in the towel—it’s more like setting it down with care. It's choosing to trust the unfolding of life while still tending to what’s within your control. Passive inaction, on the other hand, is rooted in powerlessness. It’s the “why bother?” energy. It’s giving up without grace or guidance.
The difference lies in your posture—your mindset and your heart-space. Are you stepping back with trust, or collapsing under discouragement?
Why It’s So Hard to Surrender
As humans, we crave control. Our nervous system is wired to seek predictability because, at some point, it kept us safe. But in our modern world, this can lead to hypervigilance—feeling like we need to manage every outcome, plan every detail, and micromanage our lives into submission.
Letting go requires trust. And trust is vulnerable.
There’s grief in surrender too. Sometimes we grieve the life we thought we’d have, or the timeline we thought we’d be on. And that grief can be so heavy, it tempts us to shut down altogether.
But when we practice intentional surrender—saying “I trust what’s meant for me will come”—we make space for possibility. For peace. For perspective.
A Personal Lens: Navigating the Fertility Journey
If you’ve been around for a while, you know my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over four years now. Throughout this journey, there have been seasons of deep surrender—trusting in divine timing, taking supportive steps like acupuncture and other modalities from a place of care and nourishment rather than control. And there have been seasons of passive inaction, defeat, and giving up—feeling stuck, powerless, and disconnected.
What helped me shift? Honesty. Awareness. And reclaiming a sense of agency without grasping for certainty.
That’s the heart of intentional surrender.
How to Practice Surrender
This concept can feel abstract, but there are tangible ways to embrace it:
1. Use your body.
Breathwork can help quiet the noise and relax your nervous system. Where do you hold tension when you're resisting surrender? Shoulders, jaw, belly? Breathe into those spaces and soften.
2. Choose your thoughts.
Try simple mantras like:
“I release the need to control everything.”
“It’s safe for me to trust the process.”
“I trust what’s meant for me will come.”
Repeat them until they start to feel familiar—then true.
3. Lean into support.
Talk to mentors, elders, or people with lived experience. Sometimes we need someone wiser to remind us: “You’re safe. This will unfold in time.”
4. Find a spiritual anchor.
Whether it’s God, the universe, nature, or something else—connecting with a higher power (however that looks for you) can create a container of trust when life feels out of your hands.
Trusting the Unfolding
Surrendering doesn’t mean we stop caring. It means we care deeply—but release the need to control every outcome. We still move forward. We still dream. But we do it from a place of trust instead of tight grip.
Life is going to unfold in ways we can’t predict. Sometimes what we think we want isn’t what we need. And sometimes the magic lives in the spaces we weren’t looking.
So ask yourself: Am I letting go with intention, or giving up in defeat?
And then choose trust.
Ready to dive deeper?
Listen to the full podcast episode to learn more about how to relinquish the tight grip of control over your life and lean into surrender without feeling defeated or like you’re giving up.
